“I’m still a little confused” D. Wimmer

In our quest to bring you most comprehensive skateboarding coverage, there are times when we ask ourselves, “have we truly pushed the limits and uncovered what needs to be uncovered?” There is so much to write about and yet, we have so little time. In order to speed things up a bit, we decided to pre-announce our “Speedboarder of The Year” a little earlier this year. We feel this sudden, pre-announcement and pre-interview is within the spirit of the day and personifies speed which is what the award is about.

Without further delay, we now present to you, Concrete Wave’s exclusive interview with Don Wimmer, Speedboarder of the Year.

So, Don, how does it feel to win Concrete Wave Magazine's Speedboarder of the Year?

DW. I’m surprised.  I didn’t even know I was in the running.  But hey, Speedboarder of the Year… I guess that doesn’t suck, does it?

No, not at all.

DW.  Yeah, Speedboarder of the Year… is that for like a whole year?

How do you mean? 

DW.  You know, I mean, am I like Speedboarder of the Year for the whole year now?

I’m not sure I follow…

DW.  I mean you say… of the Year.  Is that like this year, last year?  2007, 2008, what?

Uh, no, see it’s not like that, Don.  We just asked people to vote, and then we announce a winner, and that’s how it works.

DW. Hmm… okay.

Understand?

DW.  Yes… no, I’m still a little confused.  What’d I win?

What do you mean?

DW.  What does the Speedboarder of the Year win?  You say I won. What’d I win?

Speedboarder of the Year.

DW.  And…?

And that’s it. 

DW. What’s it?

That’s what you won… Speedboarder of the Year.  Look, Don, how about I ask the questions, okay?

DW. Okay. Deal. Shoot.

Okay, now… let’s see… damn, now I forgot what I wanted to ask you.

DW.  That’s okay.  Take your time, cause I actually still have a few questions.

No… that’s okay, wait.  Here we go… okay so… Don, to what do you owe your success as a Speedboarder?

DW.  Well… I really haven’t had any success as a Speedboarder, until now, with this Speedboarder of the Year thing, and considering I had no idea I was even up for it, well then I guess I dunno what I owe my success to... luck maybe?

That’s funny, Don, but see nobody wins Concrete Wave Magazine’s Speedboarder of the Year by luck.  See there are thousands of Speedboarders all over the world, constantly pushing the limits of the sport, competing, winning races, setting records, and Concrete Wave Magazine covers the top skaters, then everyone votes…

DW.  Sure and then the luckiest guy wins, right. Just like in a presidential election.

No, Don, luck has nothing to do with it.  These are the best skaters in the world, and all of them have worked incredibly hard.  A skater has to earn Speedboarder of the Year.  It’s an honor.

DW. Hmm.  Well, then thank you, voters. I guess I’m honored… But frankly, even though I won and everything, I’m kinda suspicious about why the voters picked me, y’know, cause I haven’t really worked that hard at Speedboarding… or any kind of boarding for that matter.

Don, tell me, have you ridden a skateboard downhill before?

DW. Before what?

Don, you have skated competitively, right?

DW.  Well, I did attempt to set a downhill speed record.

Great, let’s talk about that.  What was it like?

DW.  It was scary as hell, lemme tell ya.  I mean you get going fast!

That’s the idea.  It’s called Speed-boarding.

DW. Maybe so, but the downhill speed record turned out to be like way faster than I ever want to go on a skateboard…

Uh huh…

DW.  But I’m no quitter, just ask anybody, so I just found another record I could go for.

And what record was that?

DW.  The uphill speed record.  Turns out it was totally up for grabs. Never even been established.

You’re kidding, right?

DW.  I know, can you believe it?  I even called the folks at The Guinness Book just to check, and sure enough… no uphill speed record.  So I got my film director buddy JP to come out and film the whole thing.  Even got the Guinness people to send out a guy so as to make it all official-like.

Seriously?

DW.  Hell yeah, turns out they had somebody right in the LA area, over at Venice Beach judging some burrito eating contest or something.  So he came out and witnessed the whole thing.  Real nice guy, too.

And this director friend of yours got it on film?

DW. You bet.  That was like one of the best ideas I ever had, right after building a half-pipe in Anita’s backyard.

Who? Anita?

DW.  Long story… anyway… I set the uphill record that very day.

I see… and what is the uphill record?

DW.  .03 mph… mind you, that was with a slight headwind.  I owed most of my speed to Jason.  He was pulling.  He’s a good puller.

Jason?

DW. Yeah, he’s a good kid, strong as an ox. Probably couldn’t have done it without him.

 .03 mph isn’t very fast.  At least you didn’t have to worry about road rash.

DW.  Hell no, I was wearing full leathers.  You’d be crazy not to.

Yeah, well, Don, given the circumstances, I think we’re gonna have to reconsider you as the choice for Speedboarder of the Year.

DW.  Huh?

Yeah, I think there may have been some mistake in the voting process.

DW.  You’re kidding me, right?  

Well, no, I mean traditionally the goal has been to recognize Speedboarders who go downhill, you know, with gravity, not against it, and definitely with no pulling or anything.

DW.  Traditional, huh?  Hmm… okay I get that.  I am definitely not what most people would define as traditional.  I’m more of an… innovator.  Y’know?

Yeah. Okay, okay.

DW.  So who you thinkin’ the winner should be?

Well, I’m not exactly sure. It’s not up to me. We’ll probably have to take another look at the votes, but given what I’ve learned here today, I’m pretty sure it probably will be someone other than you.  Nothing personal.

DW.  Hmm… okay.  I guess I can live with that… as long as the voting is fair and square… but I got one more question.

Sure Don, what is it?

DW.  Whoever wins Concrete Wave Magazine’s Speedboarder of the Year…?

 Yeah?

DW.  What exactly does he win?

To learn more about Don and see his films, visit droppinginmovie.com.

No speedboarders (or photographers) were hurt during the making of this parody, one editor was seriously confused though.

A sincere and heartfelt April Fools Day to all our loyal readers.

Speedboarder Photos: Matthew Manus

Dom did eventually get out of that bowl