Bud Stratford's latest Opus: Gentleman's Agreement Part Deux..

[skategeezer]

The IASC "Gentleman's Agreement" 2008
Let's get off our asses, and Get 'Er Done this time. Or, Let's Not, and Say We Did.
by Bud Stratford

This essay's immediate predecessor is "The Failure of Leadership". If you haven't read it yet, please do. It segways really nicely into this one. Or, rather: I hope it does, at least.

Let's face facts here: That "Gentleman's Agreement"of 1994 that IASC put out fourteen years ago now... it's done. Old hat. Yesterday's news. As I reflected in "Leadership", the milk has been spilled, cleaned up, and largely replaced in the 'ol frigerator. Initiatives were compiled, articulated, not acted on... and, others came out, acted on them for us, and became incredibly rich in the process. Yay for them, bummer for us. Live and learn. Life goes on.
Truth is, picking on all of this has become rather akin to beating a dead horse, or picking on the child retard at school. IASC has turned out to be pretty pathetic, defenseless organization. Unable and inept at even lifting a finger to address simple critics effectively, let alone launching or executing industry-wide missives. They're the scourge of the industry, basically. Well, guess what? This has to change. And, mighty quick.
So: Why? Well, you see, it's like this. As I look into my crystal ball, here's what I can see happening eventually. Say, five to ten years out. One: IASC as we know it will still exist, and I'll still be picking on them. Which is actually not too shabby, considering Number Two. And, in all Probability, Number Two is: IASC will be made up of Big Corporate Types that lave long since either gobbled up, or chewed up, the "ex-skater-owned" brands that today represent IASC, and will have largely replaced those dudes with their fancy boards of directors, and their equally fancy-pants "shareholders". Which we can see happening today, of course. Yup, you heard me right: At the end of the day, for as much as I've kicked IASC in the nuts over the last few years... I'd still much rather work with those assholes, than a buncha Big Corporate Assholes (note the capital "A", there). The IASC dudes, if nothing else, used to skate. They can relate to skateboarding, at least on some level. Big Corporate can't relate to ####, except lining their goddamn pockets, looting and pillaging everything in sight, and ####### up as much as they can in the process. The last thing I want them anywhere near, is skateboarding.

So, what to do, you ask? Well first, we gotta realize a couple of hard-ass truths. The first one being that, Big Corpo ain't gonna buy everyone. Which is what "everyone" falsely believes. I know a whole lotta dudes sittin' around and waiting, right now, for the Big Corpo Buyout, and the resulting Big Cash Cow to come a-knockin' at their doorstep. For a lot of threse guys, they're living in La-La Land. I mean, #### dude... look at Wal-Mart. Do they make a habit of buying out every Downtown USA? No...... they make a habit, mostly of quashing Downtown USA. That's what Big Corpos do best: Blindly steamrolling over everything in thier path, in the incessant quest for "shareholder value". Which basically means: Quash Cash. So: Our industry is not gonna be "bought out" lock, stock, and barrel, contrary to some real wishful thinkin' goin'on out there right now. Most of us are Trampling Tagets, not Takeover Targets. That's truth #1.

Truth #2 is, in order to avoid The Big Corpo Quash... we've gotta get our #### in order. Big Corpo definitely has their #### together. That's how they came to be "Big Corpo" in the first ####### place. They have a straightforward mission, and they stop at nothing to execute that mission. "Shareholder Value" is a pretty ruthless business, and it's either Eat, or Be Eaten. Big Corpo understands this all too well. IASC does not. Indeed, as it sits today, I'd almost propose changing "IASC"'s name to "DINNER". Because, that's exactly what they're gonna be if they don't get it right, and get it right really ####### fast. Getting the "Bud Stratford Bastard Beatdown" is bad enough as it is, I'm sure. Being "extinct", however, is a whole 'nother matter altogether. That's the eventuality that I'd really, really like to avoid. Unfortunately, that's gonna require IASC's cooperation. And, I sure as hell ain't holdin' my breath on that one.
So. How to go about it, then...? Well, my proposal is simple enough. It's more than high time for another "IASC Gentleman's Agreement". A 2008 version, if you will. A ballsy move, you say? Yeah, sure it is. A lot of you guys will call me"cocky", maybe even "arrogant". What the #### ever. The Fun Truth of the matter's pretty simple, and it goes a little like this: You guys wrote the last Gentleman's Agreement, and you largely blew it off. I'm writing this one... and of course, I presume that you'll largely be blowing this one off, too. At the end of it, what does that all mean? It means: It makes Me at least as smart, and as important, as all of You, that's what!!! Ha!

All kidding around aside... we do have a whole smorgasboard of ####ed-up #### in The Industry that needs addressing, and needs addressing mighty quick. In some ways, I've never seen it so bad out there. And, it ain't gonna be gettin' better all by itself, I'm sure. So, let's get on with it then.

[skategeezer]

there's more...

1. Learn To Execute

That's simple enough, I guess. Figure out how to get #### done. Saying that you're thinking about it is one thing. Claiming that you're gonna lift a finger to do it, is even better. But nothing... and, I mean "nothing" here, fellas... beats Getting It Done. "Less Talk, More Action". Execute, by Whatever Means Necessary.

Truth is... and, this is largely what the last essay was about... if we'd all executed on that last "Gentleman's Agreement"? We'd be an entirely different, more profitable industry, today. Likewise: Being an entirely different, more profitable industry tomorrow, is largely what this Gentleman's Agreement is all about. Sure, ignore it if you'd like. But, you do so at your own peril.

2. Address Populist Causes First

IASCs biggest failure, is in garnering good will and support from the "rest" of the industry, as well as the rest of the skateboarding community. That's why they have so many ####### critics, of course. So, how do we shut the critics up...? Go after stuff that even the critics can't argue with. The whole "Go Skateboarding Day" was a good start... there's not a lot of skaters that won't go skateboarding on "Go Skateboarding Day", since most skaters "Go Skateboarding" every day, anyway. The "Skatepark Initiative" was another great example of IASC engaging a "populist" cause... I mean, really... how many skaters are gonna say "#### You, Dudes! I don't even want another skatepark in my town...!!!" Nobody? That's right! But, the problem here is: Very Few Of Us Have Actually Seen This Wonderous "Skatepark Initiative". Some of us have even asked for it, quite a few times. Still hasn't materialized, though. And, it is very hard to support what I have yet to see.

Tell ya what: Once y'all smarten up, and put that damn thing Online...? You know, where it should have been the whole time, for anyone who needs to find it...?! Like, y'know... people and cities that wanna build skateparks and stuff? Let me know. Then, I'll probably support it. Which leads me right to #3, and that is:

3. Learn To Embrace Your Critics

Michael Brooke told me a great one-liner once. Little did I know that he got it straight from The Godfather. It's this one right here: "Keep Your Friends Close, And Your Enemies Closer". That is really, really good advice, guys. Maybe y'outta do it more often than you do.

Here's just one reason why. I know for a dead fact that, there's a lot of pissed off IASC heads out there, that would probably much rather have me dead for some of the #### that I wrote about that "Under Fire" bullshit that you guys put out a couple years back. Well, wishing me dead is all good and well, but at the end of the day, it doesn't really amount to jack ####. However: Realizing that I began writing about that bleedin' thing at least six months before it came out... now, that's telling. That, is significant. That, was an opportunity that was sadly missed.

Here's why: If anyone from IASC had had the nuts to drop me a line... maybe even, given me a buzz... and, actually ask what the #### my goddamned problem was with all of this? Y'know what I woulda done?! Well: I would have told them...! I know, I know: What A Concept, Huh...? Go figure.

And, at the end of the day, you know what they could have done with this newfound info? They could have edited the ####### Under Fire Initiative to duck my criticisms, and shut my ass up! That's What! That, in hindsight, might have been very, very smart. But, they didn't do it. Which, as we can all see in hindsight, was ultimately a very, very dumb thing to do. Wasn't it, John Bernards...?

By forging ahead anyway... even in spite of already having some very, very vocal critics on this initiative... the only thing that you guys actuallyaccomplished, is to turn the whole skateboarding world into a buncha very, very vocal IASC critics. Hey guys, do me a favor, will ya? Don't ever, ever, ever be that stupid, ever again. Realize that, some of your very worst enemies, could very, very easily become some of your very best friends. Just by stopping you from doing some very, very idiotic crap. Harshing right along,we come to the next thing on our "To-Do #### List":

[skategeezer]

and more...

4. Get Rid Of Bernards.

While we're making a few changes in how IASC does ####, we might as well go The Full Monty. Let me be the first to call for this asshole's immediate resignation, removal... or, whatever.

Now, let me be clear on this point, just so that we have zero misunderstanding here: It Is Not Personal. I don't even know the dude, that well. It's a strictly professional problem that I have with John Bernards. Well: Several, actually. Let's lay out the list, shall we?

First of all, the dude's got Zero Credentials. For example: I have no idea whatsoever, if he's ever actually skated in his whole goddamned life or not. That's bad enough. But, even worse: Even when you Google this f'n bloke, you don't get #### for results. The only thing that I could ever find on the guy is that he's the Executive Director of IASC (duh), and aparently, he's some sort of expert on offshoring. Great! Two completely useless tidbits of info. And, this is from Google, no less! Doesn't Google know everything these days?! Apparently, not when it comes to John Bernards, it doesn't. I'm sorry guys, but I just don't trust anyone that I can't Google. Even worse: I can't trust anyone that doesn't have a resume, and didn't really seem to exist before IASC came along.

Whoever holds the Executive Director's position needs to, at the very least, have an air of transparency about them...

But, what's more: I'd propose that being the ED of IASC, also sorta requires that you be a fairly friendly bloke. The kind of guy that can talk to people in a manner that, y'know... sorta makes the people being talked to actually enjoy the experience...? Bernards doesn't talk to anyone; he talks down to people. He's certainly done it to me, so I can vouch for that one firsthand. And mind you, this was way, waaaay before I ever started writing a single word about "the industry". At the time, I was just "somen dude", getting my journalistic start. I was "The Press". But, in Bernards' mind I guess, I was roughly equitable to a ####-soiled roll of toilet paper. The last people in the world that you wanna treat like TP is The ####### Press. Bernards, if he knows nothing at all, outta know at least that much.

Likewise: We also need a guy that can effectively dialogue with all those Harsh Naysayers out there. Being fair minded, open-minded, inquisitive, curious... all traits that are also, noticably absent from Mr.Bernards. Bernards is aloof, stoic, impatient, and he sure as hell don't wanna hear a peep of criticism from anyone... he makes that clear enough, for sure. And, this guy is the public spokesman, and the public face, of IASC...?! Well, it's No ####### Wonder that you guys don't have many friends...!!!

The very last thing that IASC needs in it's ED, is a sort of "IASC Bullshit Safety-Valve". A Naysayer. A "No" Guy. A guy that will save IASC from themselves, if and when need be. Now, a lot of blokes will disagree with me on this one, and tell me that, that's not really in the ED's Job Description. Well, I say: Screw It. Put it in there, and put it in there quick, for pete's sakes. Let's Help IASC Help Themselves for a change. Squashing some of these horrible, horrible "initiatives" right from the get-go, wouldn't be a bad idea. Oh, yeah: The guy who holds the ED job, also has to be Fair and Impartial, on top of all of this other stuff that I outlined above. Someone that has an equal stake in everyone's best interests. It's a very, very tall order, and frankly, Bernards really does not even begin to measure up.

So, who would? Well, if it were left up to me, I'd probably nominate Reggie Barnes. Of Eastern Skate Supply. No ####: I really would. The reason is simple enough: Reggie Barnes is basically everything that Bernards isn't. And, vice versa. Reggie's a super nice guy, for one. That North Carolina Southern Drawl he's got implies a whole lotta "Southern Hospitality"...and, he can back that #### up, by being one of the genuinely nicest guys I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. He's a great listener, no matter who you are, or what your title may, or may not, be. He's obviously got a resume, 'cuz everyone that's anyone knows who the hell Reggie Barnes is, what he does, and what he owns...and in many cases, some of us nerdier-types even remember his freestyle and streetstyle pro-model years with Walker Skateboards.

But, here's the best parts. One: Reggie knows what's up. He's got his finger right on the pulse of what's really going on out there. The simple fact that he was one of the few IASC heads to even express reservations about that whole "Under Fire" fiasco (I recall the concern being that, kids would definitely get their hands on it, and rebel like hell against it... which, lo and behold, is exactly what happened...) tells me that he has the insight, and the balls, to effectively take on the IASC Leadership on important issues...and, even more vitally, he's got the uncanny ability to actually be correct in his assessments and judgements. That kind of ####, is invaluable. Another thing that uniquely qualifies Reggie for the job would be that, as a skateboard distributor... he works with, and implicitly supports, almost every single skateboard manufacturer out there... big, or small, Reggie supports them all. And, he obviously deals with a lot of skate shops as well (again, both big and small) during the course if his day-to-day job. That would also be a singularly important asset, given the problems that we're experiencing in the retail sector these days...

The big question is: Would Reggie ever take the job...? I'd hope that, if IASC tossed enough cash his way, and granted some very, very key concessions... I'd hope that he'd at least consider it. If I were IASC, I'd give Reggie whatever the #### it took, to convince him to take the job. Point blank. Anything less, would just be kinda stupid.

I'd also consider Johnny Schillereff (of Element) for the job, just due to his low-key, mellow, fair-minded, quiet, and inquisitive nature. These sorts of traits are important, guys. Let's give someone the job, that has these traits. Please...


5. Get Rid of the Non-Skate Companies in IASC


I still don't understand... and, I doubt that I will ever understand... why companies such as Activision, Davis Law Associates, FedEx, Moss Adams, Merrill Lynch, etc, etc, etc... are part of an International Association Of Skateboard Companies. Are these all skateboard companies...? Have I been missing something, here...?

At the very least, IASC has a public responsibility to be transparent, and to clarify what the #### these guys are doing as members of IASC. Credibility is on the line,here. There is a big, big difference between providing valuable insights and services to IASC member companies (which is what they're largely doing), versus actually steering the future of our sport, our lifestyle, and our pastime (which is what the public thinks they're largely doing). As such, I'd change the "Premium Members" group to "Sustaining Members"... and likewise, I'd merge the current "Associate Members" and "Lifestyle Members", to a newly-defined "Supporting Members". "Sustaining"and "Supporting", after all, are very self-explanatory and fairly transparent terms. "Premium", "Associate", and "Lifestyle", are not.

6. Make a point of calling me, Bud Stratford, a "Pud-Munching Ass Face" at least once between now, and April 14th, 2012.


I'm still a little worried about IASC's ability to execute, so I figured I'd toss this "initiative" in there as a safe, simple, and easy-to-accomplish "gimme". As well as providing a quirky, mid-essay laughing break before we barge on to the really good stuff. Of course: I'm sure that a few of those IASC Heads are already way, waaaayyy ahead of the curve on this one. And, good on them for doing so! Moving on....

[skategeezer]

did you say more?

7. Re-Visit that "Under Fire" Initiative, and Get 'Er Right This Time

The only thing worse than putting out an unpopular initiative, is being a goddamned pansy, and totally backpedaling away from your unpopular initiative. If you're gonna say something, and make the effort to say it with confidence... well then, be confident enough to stand behind your ####, and stand up for your ####### principles. Anything less just makes you a sucker.

When's the last time you heard me apologizing for,or backing up from, something that I've said, or written...?! At the end of the day, the very worst that we can ever ask for, is to stand our ground, get our asses kicked, and leave a beautiful corpse behind, complete with our middle fingers stuck way up in the air for the whole world to see. If you're gonna die anyway, well, y'might as well die a proud man. That's whay I say, at least.

IASC is an organization, apparently filled with un-proud men. How sad it is.

Now, you're all gonna piss and ####### moan about how this presumably flies right in the face of my "Now, Let's Not Go Off Fighting Unpopular Issues" missive that I outlined up there in Number Two. And, on the surface of it all, you're not entirely incorrect. But: That's only, on the surface. Scratch that surface, and you pansies are still just Plum ####### Wrong. Here's why...and, here's how we're gonna pull it off. Sit back, and take notes, guys. 'Cuz, this ####'s gonna be really, really ####### good.

That whole Under Fire deal... well, first of all it was way, waaaayyyy too long. Put a few ofmylong-winded diatribes together,and you'd stillbe hard-pressed toekeout a 32-pager. It gets worse, though. The "Under Fire" deal also went all-out to demonize blanks (and shop decks). Which, obviously, would be super-unpopular with all the skaters that ride, and like, blanks (and shop decks). And, it also proved to be highly unpopular with all those skate shops that sell blanks (and shop decks). Well, #### me silly- that wasn't predictable or anything...! That's where we went wrong, guys. Focusing On The Ultimately, Very Unpopular. No: What we need to do, is to find a "populist" way of doing the same job. So, how do we do that...?!

Let's keep it simple, stupid. Let's advance this cause,instead: "Skaters, Supporting Skaters".

Yup, you read that right: "Skaters. Supporting Skaters." Please: Allow me to elaborate.

In that Under Fire bullshit, what we [basically] had there, were a bunch of skaters, asking other skaters, to support them. Right...? I think that was sort of the goal, at least.

So, we had our boy Jamie Thomas, hugging his skateboard......... but, he's not a skateboard-hugger, dudes. He's a skater. So, next time, let's try getting a shot of Jamie actually skating, okay...? I mean, I know he's all camera- and footage-shy and all, but c'mon guys, throw me a bone here, willya...? While we're at it, let's get a few stop-action photos of Johnny Schillereff, Chris Cater, Per Welinder, Bob Denike, Jim Thiebaud, Tod Swank, and Bod Boyle skating, while we're at it. They don't have to skate great. ####, man: They don't even have to skate 'good'. No: They just have to skate, and look like they're loving it. Just like, the rest of us do on a daily basis.

Now, the goal here isn't to "impress".The goal here, is to make us all seem "relate-able" and "sincere". Now, if we could actually be "relate-able"and "sincere", that'd be even better. But, I've learned the hard way not to ask for too much, lest you get disappointed. Keeping up appearances, I figure, is something that we can all do.

Of course, the non-skaters in our little group are gonna have it rough. Too bad for them. To them, I say: Good Riddance. If you can't at least roll around on a ####### skateboard, then you really have no place in this industry in the first goddamned place. Deal with it, and bow out gracefully.

As for the rest of us, this whole "Skaters Supporting Skaters" is a pretty noble thing to pursue, and to impart on the next generations. I mean, isn't that a big part of what makes skateboarding, skateboarding?!
Skaters backing each other up, and having each others' backs...? Who's gonna look out for us, if we can't even look out for our own?! And, I'm not just talking about skaters, supporting skater-owned companies and brands here. Oh, no way, man: Let's go all-out! Let's be skaters, and go for the ####### gusto! Let's support skater-owned skate shops, while we're at it! For my part, I've always thought that shop decks are just fine and dandy... just as long as, that shop is skater-owned, and my hard-earned dollars are supporting skateboarding, or skateboarders. What of "blanks", you ask...? Same deal: If Mr. Blank Man turns out to be an actual skater, then fine by me (By the way: Until I get some confirmation otherwise, I'm assuming that he's not. If he was, I surely would've known it by now...)

But, why even stop there?! How about, skaters supporting skater-run media? Skate brand,supporting skater-run woodshops? How about, skaters supporting skater-run charitable organizations, that serve other skaters? If the guys at Skull and Bones can have fundraisers for their SnB Bretheren on a regular basis, and help their own Brothers In Need and Despair... well then, why in the hell can't the rest of us...?! I think that every skater-run company should hire skater-consultants, but that one obviously serves me well, so we'll just toss that one aside for now. But, whatever the case... the best part of all of this, is that I actually articulated the whole shebang in just a few paragraphs. Not, thirty-two ####### pages. And, I'd sure hope to hell that this whole "Skaters Supporting Skaters" bit is something that any skater worth his (or,her) salt could easily support.

I surely don't see reason why in the hell they wouldn't! Do you...?! So, there ya go. The IASC "Under Fire: The Whole Notion of Skaters Supporting Skaters" initiative. Get 'Er Done...! And, no backpedaling this time.

[skategeezer]

8. Retailers, and Retail Margins. (This needs action, right now)

What good is a skate shop that's out of business, because they can't pay the bills, because our margin formulas are hopelessly outdated, and entirely ####ed up...?! My answer is: No Good Whatsoever. Guys, we need to see measurable, sustainable action... not "talk", fellas... "action"...on this. Right now, and Today.

Here's how we're gonna do it.

There's only one sensible, and practical way to accomplish this goal. We need to try our damndest to hold the line on wholesale pricing, while putting upward pressure on retail prices. Using MSRP's as our tool to accomplish that goal. And, by enforcing those newly sensible MSRP's across the entire retail sector, to make sure that those MSRP's stick, and hold water. Guys, that is the ONLY way to prop up retailer margins... and, it's one of the only two choices available. Either, we do this, and make it stick. Or: We doom the entire retailer infrastructure to an infinity of shitty margins, and even shittier industry support. Which one do you guys really want, eh...?!

My stance on retailers is more than understood, and what's more, it's also entirely transparent and accessible. Just read my"Let's Talk [Skate] Shops" piece. The fact that I sp[ent a few grand of myown cash this year, going out and talking to shops, is also more than understood, entirely transparent, and easily verifiable. I've put my best foot forward, on the shops' behalf. So, what has IASC done for it's 'core retailers', lately...? What is the average margin on skate hardgoods, currently...?!

If I had my way, every manufacturer would begin publishing their MSRP's... in a format that makes sense, and is widely accessible, mind you... tomorrow. That's Job 1.

Job 2, would be: Increase those MSRP's industry wide, each year, for the next 12 years. At the very least, MSRP's should be keeping pace with inflation, for pete's sakes! The fact that they have not, only further leads me to believe that there is not a single, solitary, goddamned bit of sense, or sensibility, ruling this entire industry right now. Gas is up, what, about 50,000% in maybe, five years?! Yet, skate hardgoods median prices are relatively unchanged since the mid-1990's... and, in many cases, they've even remained relatively flat ever since I first began skateboarding in 1989. Adjusting for inflation, skateboards are probably underpriced by about 50%. Maybe, even more than that. Everyone has eaten a chunk of that undervaluation. But by far, retailers have been hit the hardest. They got the short end of that stick, and the shrinking retail sector is largely the net result of our inability to act on this issue. Shame On Us:Make that, inflation, plus 1-2%. At the barest of bare minimums, guys.

And then, we come to the "enforcement" issue. As I mentioned in the "Let's Talk Shops" piece, retailers should not be competing with other reailers right now (or "ever", for that matter), strictly based on price, and price alone. Because: Competing on price, and price alone, ultimately (and, obviously) only serves to depress ####### retail prices, guys...!

To some extent, then: I do hold retailers accountable for part of this mess. But, the industry is not blameless. Not one bit. Because, it's the brands' responsibilities to set reasonable MSRPs, that reflect the value of their brands, and the quality and the value of their products... and then, to cut off retailers that blatantly ignore those brands' MSRP's. Other industries do this all the time! Isn't that a part, after all, of being an "Authorized Dealer"?! In order to have the priviledge of selling any given brands' wares, you need to follow the brands' rules. And, part of that should include responsible, sensible, and sustainable pricing. But, that does assume that the brands do have sensible pricing structures, and that the retailers do have the sensibility to stick by them. Neither of which exist, today. But, both of which need to exist, tomorrow.

Oh, yeah: E-Tailers? You guys are totally a part of this program, and don't even think for one single, solitary goddamned second that you're not. The same goes for the manufacturers' own e-tail arms and outlets. If you don't wanna play by the this industry's New Rules, then you can just go off, and find yourselves a whole new industry to #### over. Go screw with rollerblading's margins, instead. Those stupid-ass things have always been worthless pieces of ####, anyway...

[skategeezer]

9. Broaden The Market Base

Yeah... I've alluded to this one, too. So has Brooke. Let's get it straight, and let's get this ball rolling even bigger than it is now. Bigger Market = Bigger Money, boyz. Let's figure that #### out, already.

First thing on the #### list, is this notion that "Anything that is not street skating, is not skateboarding". This is, of course, patently ####### false. Anyone with even a fraction of a brain and one eye, can see that much. And, what's more: We've actually aided and abetted letting this stipid-ass notion fester for far, far too long. Probably because, even some of our "Industry Leaders" also happen to think that, this is true.

Adhering to self-destructive belief systems is generally, not a hot idea. The answer? Do not adhere to self-destructive belief systems. It's really that simple.

Recently, I stumbled upon a pretty enlightening statistic. I don't know how true it is, or if it's wholly accurate... but, it was pretty interesting nonetheless. The statistic is this one: In 1976... right around the time that Skateboarder Magazine was enjoying the apex of it's power and influence... there were right around 30 million skateboarders in the US.

Wow. Thirty million skaters. That is, a lot of ####### skaters. Roughly twice as many as there are, today. By most accounts, at least.

Looking into it a bit further, I also noticed that the overall population of the USA, in 1976, was only about 200 million people. Which is roughly 50% fewer people than the 300 million people that we have in the US, today.

Twice as many skaters. 50% fewer people. How in the good grace of God does that even happen...?!

Well, it's pretty easy, really. A browze through any Skateboarder of that era, will tell you the hows,and the whys. As would, a quick foray through the Warren Bolster book. Skateboarding, in 1976, was the "Everyperson's Pastime". It's true, too! After all, didn't Farrah Fawcett get on the cover of Life Magazine, by riding a skateboard? Was Bob Dylan, not an avid skater? Didn't even Fred Astaire break his wrist skateboarding? Didn't he then make the rounds of various national TV shows, still espousing is love of skateboarding, regardless of the slight wrist-mishap? Well, if Farrah Fawcett, Bob Dylan, and Fred Astaire can skate... well, why can't everyone else...?!

And, that was skateboarding pretty much was, back in 1976. It could be summed up as, "Anyone can ride a skateboard, and there's a skateboard for everyone!" Tell me: Where are the Farrah Fawcetts, the Bob Dylans, and the Fred Astaires of 2008? Oh, right: We haven't cultivated any.

That's because today's paradigm of what "skateboarding" is, is as follows: Being for only 12-18 year old, predominantly white, male teens that like to slide on their gonads down handrails, and fall on their heads skating mega-ramps. Now: Is that a "skateboarding" that the "everyperson" can relate to...? Hell no. Only certifiable freaks enjoy that sort of self-abuse. But, certainly not, "everypeople".

We... "we" being, our own industry, as well as most of our own media... have effectively shut out most people, from ever enjoying skateboarding. Do we really wanna keep that up? Telling the everyman that,"Oh, no, bro. You soooo totally wanna never, ever do this ####..." Isn't that just a wee bit counter productive? Don't most marketers,and most industries, actually prefer to cultivate more customers, instead of cultivating fewer of them...?!?!

If we're feeling just a little bit stupid right now, well, I certainly can't blame us. So, what are we gonna do about that...?!

I'm imagining something really funny, here. Roll with me on this one, guys. Let's make a point of making, a "safer" skateboard. For, the everyperson to ride. I knowit sounds silly, but still, my question remains: Is It Possible? If so: What Would It LookLike? Well, I'd say that it is quitepossible, and this is what it might have as design attributes: Something that maybe sits very, very low to the ground. Something that has huge-ass, 97mm soft wheels, so that they could roll over anything and everything in thier path. Something with a very long, and stable wheelbase. Something that you can crank down, so the wheels don't roll frightengly fast. Something with very wide, yet responsive trucks that don't hang up on asphalt irregularities. Something with giganto-wheelwells, so there's not an icicle's chance in hell of it ever getting wheelbite. Maybe even, adding some foam "bumpers" onto it, so that wayward, flying boards aren't only "safe" for only the rider, but also for the board itself, as well as whatever bystanders might be milling about...

As I thought about it, I realized this: This ####### Thing Exists, Today. For the most part, at least. It's called: A Kebbek Jon Caften Model, with Indy 215's (and, copers!), 97mm Abec 11 Flywheels, and shitty bearings with the spacers left out. And, with a little "bump"added on the deck's centerline, so that the rider could find the deck's center through their shoes. And, the bumpers. Which are the only thing that we can't buy off-the-shelf, today. But, probably easy enough to design, and manufacture. It's basically a slightly modified lowered speedboard, idealized for not going really fast.

No, seriously. Think about it: Why can't a big-mountain speedboard that's designed to skate relatively safely at 60, 70, and even 80mph, be configured to be absolutely "safe" at .08, or even .008 mph...?! What would happen if we put Bernards out on the TV talk show circuit, rolling about on one of these? Would the rest of the 80-and 90-somethings of America maybe say to themselves, "Well, if that ####### geezer can do it, why in the hell couldn't I...?!"

In order to bring skateboarding to the "everyperson"... and, that includes everyone from very young children, to very old people... men, to women... of all races, creeds, and nationalities... of every walk of life, from white collar, to blue collar, to no-collar... and, as Grumpy "Ol Bastard would say, "From Cradle To Grave"... we seriously need to get rid once and for all, of this "myopic vision" bullshit. It's time, guys. It's time to follow Stacy Peralta's missive, to "Show The World Skateboarding!". It's time to think outside the box, and realize #### like, everyone needs to get into shape these days. America is, after all, the fattest nation on the face of the planet. We work the most, and have the least "fun". We die far too young, of far too much inactivity and stress. A compelling reason why that is the case? Treadmills and stationary bikes are for nerds like Richard Simmons, who think that prancing around in a dance studio sweatin' to the oldies is a damn good idea. #### That ####, dude; I'll happily take a cool-ass, rolling death machine over that bullshit any day...!!! What's more: I suspect that most True-Blue Americans probably feel the same way that I do. Especially if we could engineer the "death" aspect out of it.

Instead of putting [major put-downs here] like Ryan Sheckler on TV, why don't we put badass 50-somethings like Hackett and Bulky on Reality Programming?! Now, that'd be some quality viewing time well worth staying uplate for. Let's give the Baby Boomers someone to emulate. I mean, c'mon guys: How totally awesome would it be, if our parents all started telling their bosses, their politicos, and America's sworn adversaries to "Suck It" en masse...?! "Outside The Box", guys!!! Let's all think Outside The Box...!!!

I'm not even kidding about that "Hackman and Bulky Show", either. Someone, somewhere, still needs to make that one happen.

[skategeezer]

final one

10. Let's Dispense with the Drugs and Alcohol Abuse

Yup, this one won't make me real popular with the stoners and the alcoholics of the skateboarding world. Oh, well...! Deal With It.

I have to admit it... I find it highly ironic that, not too long after IASC's Geniuses put forth that "Under Fire" report... we had an incident in Australia, where we actually had drunken pros killing each other. Now, there's an initiative that makes a whole helluva lotta sense: Let's worry more about getting pros paid, then keeping them among the living and breathing. I'm sorry guys... that may be harsh. But still, I have to ask myself: Where was someone's team manager at, when all of this was going down...? Why didn't our brands have, at the very least, some bloke there to take away the keys...? Talk about, a failure of leadership. Whew. Money lost, is a real bummer. Kids lost, is just absolutely unforgiveable.

Hey, I can see y'all screaming bloody ####### murder at me already. "Hey! You're not in our shoes! Managing skaters... managing kids... is hard!" Hey, I've been in your shoes, pal. I once owned a company of my own. I didn't even have the luxury, being a small company and all, of having a full-time team manager. That responsibility fell squarely, and entirely, on my ####### shoulders. Yet: Noone died on my watch.

Well, guess what?! As an industry, this same responsibility also falls not only on our own individual shoulders...it also falls on our collective shoulders. The Buck literally Stops With Us. And, any and all blood that is spilled, because of our own lack of oversight, or our own inability to accept responsibility for our own skaters... that blood is on our hands. Frankly, I wonder exactly how some of our brand managers, and how some of our team managers, manage to sleep well at night. I really can't figure that one out to save my ####### life.

I had to say it. My conscience wouldn't let me leave this one alone. If, and when, another kid dies... it certainly won't be because I stayed silent on this issue. I like sleeping well at night. I'd like to keep that habit up.

For my part, I'd say that it comes right back to that whole notion of "Skaters Supporting Skaters". Hopefully, that's still an ideal that we can all agree on. Right...? Well unfortunately, that also means that, from time to time, we're gonna have to do, or say stuff, that might not be the "cool", "popular", or "bro" thing to do, or say. That's what "leadership" means, guys. Just sticking to the "Whatever's Cool" program, contrary to popular belief, is not ####### leadership. What it is, is being a pussy. There is a difference.

Even back in 1994, IASC addressed this. It was in that "Gentleman's Agreement", no less (although, it's been either edited out, or lost, over the years). Here's a sign of progress: How many pot smokers did we feature in this year's TransWorld Am Issue...? I counted three before I threw the mag- literally- out the window.

In the words of FaustoVitello... and, this is a direct quote, here:

"Skateboarding is skateboarding. It's about nothing else, other than itself".

That means that, skateboarding is *not* about smoking pot, or getting hammered every night on tour, or ####### every goddamned whore in plain sight, or whatever other lame #### that pro skaters like to tag onto skateboarding's ass from time to time. Having Olson tell someone to "Suck It", is pretty harmless. Or Me, dropping an F-Bomb, or two... fine, "a couple dozen", in an essay... all of this, is far from lethal. A Pissy Attitude in of itself, has never killed anyone. Being "politically incorrect" only makes victims out of those, who relish being victimized in the first place. Read: You don't like me telling you the ####### truth? Don't read my #### then. Likewise: If IASC really wants to keep letting kids kill each other, or kill themselves, then more power to'em. Just, keep on doing the "absolutely nothing" that you're doing right now, and you'll be just fine with that.




As you can see, when all is said and done, I've laid out some pretty big initiatives here. All of them, are in our better interests to see through. All of them, are do-able. So: Given that they are in our better interests, and given that they are do-able... then, I do not see any reason, or any excuse, for not getting them done, and done as quickly as possible. But, they ultimately will not be done. A clear lack of industry leadership, coupled with an obvious lack of industry cooperation and resolve, and a healthy dose of industry denial and arrogance, will surely see to that.

Sure, I'd like to say that I'm "hopeful", maybe even "optimistic". I wouldn't even mind so much, being proved wrong for a change. But, still: I'm not gonna be holding my breath anytime soon. That's probably the best advice of all.


As always, Bud Stratford's correspondance can be sent to budstratford@aol.com. Make sure to use "Pud-Munching Ass Face" as the subject line; that's definitely important.