How to take care of your wife

[Slops57]

Someone sent this to me at work... kinda funny.

How to take care of your wife:

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes
and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something
she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+7)
-- But return with Beer (-5)
-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)


HER BIRTHDAY

-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is
painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)


A NIGHT OUT

-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)


YOUR PHYSIQUE

-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)


ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)


COMMUNICATION

-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

[Jailbot]

Only minus ten points for killing a pet?

I think that's certainly more severe than falling asleep while she's talking.

[Cann0n]

I thought this was about taking "care" of a wife... I would just use a piano wire some black trash bags...

[Ogre]

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[Willl]

So when you kill her pet, you don't lose or win any points. you get points for hitting the mysterious noise, and lose the same amount of points for killing her pet.

[HerBDerb]

So when you kill her pet, you don't lose or win any points. you get points for hitting the mysterious noise, and lose the same amount of points for killing her pet.

Actually, you'd end up with +5 for the "You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)"

[Ogre]

If you did each of those deeds/acts.. your total would be -17582.in the hole, What's the point in trying?

[LaneMeyer]

It never said how many points you get for banging her brains out
or banging her brains out and then falling asleep

[Slops57]

If you did each of those deeds/acts.. your total would be -17582.in the hole, What's the point in trying?

That IS the point....that there isn't one. I like the piano wire and black trash bag idea.