funniest thing youve seen on public transit

[worldwide]

whats the funniest thing youve ever seen on transit. ive seen crackheads smoking up, hilarious party buses, and kooky randoms acting up, ill give some stories after a few replies...

i wonder if bushman will see this

[bean-a-reano]

You? damn 10 characters

[ocian]

i was on a bus in mexico back from the bars and a guy from our party was standing in the aisle facing towards the back because all the seats were taken. The bus lurched forward as it started moving and his drunk ass faceplanted. Knocked him out cold and busted his nose up something bloody. Funniest thing ever

[worldwide]

You? damn 10 characters

thats what bushman would say...


and no cheating on the ten characters

[peterwilliams]

I was on a bus cruising through downtown Seattle and the bus driver had to slam on the breaks real quick and some lady carrying all her groceries flew towards the front of the bus and her stuff went everywhere.

I guess it wasn't really that funny, per se. But. Well, yeah. No. It sucked. I felt bad for her.

[K-Rimes]

I was sitting on the 22, Malcolm, you oughta know that bus.

There was a fellow who was talking, to what I thought was a cellphone, but then realized, he was just talking to "Jerry", who was his other personality, about how it was unfair he was doing the dishes three days in a row. He acted as Jerry, and as himself. That was a good one.

On the UBC bus, heading to a parkade late night, as we neared campus, two fellows pulled out green cigarettes and lit them up. The bus driver said into the PA, "Hey, can you please put those out? Please? Please......"

Minutes passed.

"Just... Please put them out..."

Minutes

"Ok, I really would have liked you to put them out, but that's ok... You must be almost done anyways, please throw the butt out the window."

[HerBDerb]

Probably not the funniest thing, but whenever you're on a train there's always that one guy who trys to stand up without holding onto anything, then falls. It's usually me.

[peterwilliams]

"Hey, can you please put those out? Please? Please......"

Minutes passed.

"Just... Please put them out..."

Minutes

"Ok, I really would have liked you to put them out, but that's ok... You must be almost done anyways, please throw the butt out the window."

Hah. Good and forceful, eh?

[Birdman87]

I met a wanna be rapper on a 5 hour Greyhound ride...

The dude was terrible, and never stopped. Seriously, he never stopped...

it was hilarious for like 10 minutes, then, we all wanted to kill him.

[grimble]

on the greyhound at night i sat next to some crazy people. my idea was to skimp on paying for accomodation. i'm not sure how "funny" it all was, but mostly it makes me laugh now... it was mental.

once, a woman who was born everywhere we went and created a story for each childhood she had had in each town we passed through, talked to me from chicago to new orleans. without stopping.

another time there was a dude with an afro sniffing something pretty nasty from a big bag. he looked weird with all that hair and a plastic face...

also an old man who goosed a nun pretty forcefully, he got kicked off the bus.

an old lady insisted that god would not let her pass me by without lendind a helping hand. she bought me grits at 6 in the morning when i had a dodgy stomach, i was looking pretty forlorn and i couldn't have imagined anything worse, she watched me eat them.

on top of this, our bus was detained by a petrol pump official(?) because our new driver did an illegal u-turn, and the officious prick called the police. it took fricking ages to sort everything out. during which time i tiredly asked the man "why?" he had bothered. he offered to put his foot up my ass. i politely declined and moved back onto the bus.

and lastly and most irritatingly, a lady who refused to speak to me but directed both the air blowers on full cold at me (she was wearing gloves).

actually, there's more... but those are highlights!

[g-force]

two gangstars sitting across from me: "I'm having trouble relaxing" "here take these pills" "thanks... holy ####!" "#### man, there's a cop!" "what? where? (frightened, panicked)" "just kidding". my friend and I never stopped laughing.
Also on the way to school and back everyday we took the same bus route as the mentally challenged community centre did. Not to be offensive, but they do some funny/weird/awkward things. Much laughter ensued.

[caligo]

wasn't ON public transport, but at one of the Skytrain stations earlier today I saw a homeless guy with a sign saying NEED $$$ FOR WEED. I generally don't give money to panhandlers, but I had to give the guy a nickel just for his honesty. XP

[ska1234]

i was on a bus...and i saw aman..and he was talking....then he started singing...he was singing a song. drinking coke..talking some more. then he whipped out alongboard and played air guitar with hislongboard.

[bucksaw87]

does a schoolbus count as public transit? cuz if it does, then the funniest thing i ever saw was this big guy picked up this little smartass and literally threw him into the seat 1 row back. other than that, i've actually never used public transit

[pithaya]

In a train in Europe, this older norweigan couple sat next to me and a friend. The husband dude started talking with us, he worked in a company who used supercomputers to simulate dock and port enviroments. Pretty cool stuff. Then he asked for my name, then talked some more, then asked my name again, then talked some more, gave me his card, talked some more, then tried to give me his card again, but I told him I already had it... I guess he had some pretty bad Alzheimer's. Quite funny tho, I still have his card.
In the same train, also in the same cabin was this crazy south african white woman, she started talking about how she was followed by the segragation party for not supporting them and how they try to kill her with evil rays projected and that she doesnt sleep much at all etc... Quite a nice 10 hour train ride. Mind you, it was summer and the train had no air conditioning.

[caligo]

Actually, now that I think about it, my english teacher had a great story dumb-tourist story.

"As I mentioned earlier, I saw the Sistine Chapel for the first time when I was... about 19 or 20. Anyway, about a year or so later I was taking a ferry from England down to France when my eye caught the attention of a couple sitting opposite me. These two were, in every respect, the epitome of the fat, stupid American tourist. They were going on about how much they were looking forward to visiting 'Nohtre Dahme' and seeing the 'Gargyles' on 'Nohtre Dahme' and that they were going to 'do Paris' for a day and then 'do Brussels' for a day (god, I hate that term so much, '*do* Paris'... ugh). Anyway, they were going on and eventually they were expressing their interest in visiting 'the Sixteenth Chapel'. They were obviously talking about the Sistine Chapel, but I guess they were... so uneducated they thought it was actually the Sixteenth Chapel or something.

At this point I lean over and go 'Um, excuse me... I'm really sorry, it's really rude of me to just butt in on your conversation like this, but I've been around Europe for quite a bit and I just overheard you talking about the Sixteenth Chapel. Now, none of the guidebooks or the tour guides really like to bring this up since the Italians like keeping this for themselves, but actually the Seventeenth Chapel is quite a bit more impressive than the Sixteenth.' And they completely bought into it. I kept a straight face and everything, I grabbed a sheet of paper and drew them a rough map of how to get there. 'Now, when you're in front of St. Peter's, keep to the left of the square and you'll find a large arched walkway that goes along the cathedral, there should be members of the Swiss Guard, they'll be wearing the bright blue and yellow uniforms, standing at either side of the entrance. Just go straight down that walkway and you'll find a small sign that'll mark the entrance to the Seventeenth Chapel. You should be able to get through there no problem, but if the Swiss Guards stop you, just tell them 'Don't worry, we're American' and just go through.'"

[bucksaw87]

Actually, now that I think about it, my english teacher had a great story dumb-tourist story.....

arg! i hate idiotic touristy people! i mean, when i go on vacation, i try to act as "normal" as the locals cuz otherwise you stick out like a dumb fuggin american! i mean, i am american and all that...but seriously, "when in rome do as romans" (no pun intended)...learn the colloquial names for the places you're visiting, learn proper names of places and their correct enunciation, and don't buy shirts that have the name of the city on them...geesh!

[nsc1120]

I don't ride too much public transportation but in my small town we have our share of crazy people. the best two are

Bruce: This guy walks around town singing in "Italian" its really just nothing but he says a lot of "i"'s at the ends of stuff so to most people they think he is really singing in italian, also he does it in a really over the top opera voice. also he will come up to you and start to tell stories about the most random stuff. One story he told me started off about how this rock in my town was discovered by Champlain and he named it after a turkish princess and somehow the end was about how JFK's real middle name was "crab-apple"

Tom Revson: This guy's family owns the Revlon makeup company so they are insanely rich. This guy gets money from his family to live in my town and he has to do nothing. He walks around and he eats instant rice straight out of the box most of the time or will chill out in Dunkin Donuts for hours. He is actually pretty cool too but he is obsessed about germs, a lot of the time he will wear plastic bags or stuff like that, also he has no concept of money, I have friends who have seen him drop $50 or $100 bill and when they try to give them back he will claim they aren't his or won't tuck them because my friends will have touched them. Also he used to drive a car where every seat but the driver's was completely filled to the roof with tissues. Also my friend's grandma lets people stay in their house if they need help for a little while and this guy might be staying there in a little bit.

[shapeshifter]

late last year while waiting for my train on a southbound platform i saw a guy lean over the northbound platform seemingly to spit on the electrified rail third rail but over extended and wound up falling off onto the rails... he was a bit stunned having fallen about 6 feet but that wasn't his worst problem from my vantage. looking south we both noticed northbound train coming out of the tunnel and in my panic i tried to yell but nothing came out. before we knew it the train was approaching but he didn't seem to be quick enough as he scrambled back up out of harm's way but eventually he did. then, to our relief the train actually arrived on the other track as it slowed to a stop on the other side of the northbound which he was on. this fact wouldn't have been obvious until it was too close to do anything about. really put a scare in me, because as a kid i used to play on the tracks knowing just how much time it would take to keep from getting run over. i really thought he was dead meat.

[Skinart]

As far as amazing funny stuff, this guy, noting that the bus driver was taking a quick five,
figured he had time to take a leak. He did...at the transit center...not the bathroom in the
transit center, in one of the little enclosures where people wait for the bus...

Plenty of people talking to lots of people who weren't there. What I find a little odd is that
the schizos and street people acknowledge me. They don't ask me for change, they nod
and acknowledge me...Not sure how I feel about that.

Had one clearly schizophrenic type come up, ask my name, shake my hand and say
something polite I don't remember--singled me out as if I were the only person in the group
of people he saw--and then go off to talk to some trees. Again, not entirely sure how I feel
about that...

Now for having fun with the gullible...

I was walking in a mall when this guy and his girl come out of a bookstore--and the alarm
goes off. I point to the Starbuck's in his hand and deadpan 'It's the coffee".

He bought it. In fact he explained it to his girlfriend--who also bought it...I went about
twenty steps before submitting to some serious snickering and subdued guffaws.