I Need Help

[SpeedFiend]

I have started cutting my arm to releave stress in my head.
What a bad way for your arm to look though.
I tried to kill myself a long time ago, was on medicine before it was popular and have spent my share of time counting days in the hospital.

I live on my own, pay bills, work, skate all that and yet still I am stressed.
It seems so stupid typing this.

No reply needed, I just have to get this off my chest. I can't really tell anyone I know, They would freak out and start worrying.

[shapeshifter]

self mutilation or most recently termed as self-injury or si. i can't say that i understand this as i am not afflicted with the desire to but i'm sure you have a better understanding of your options for assistance in this matter. i wish you only the best and hope that you don't take me wrong in supporting you with anything you decide to do.

if you are looking for options, i've heard that turning to exercise can be a healthy way of getting "cut" and can be a diversion from the emotions that bring on the desire to hurt oneself. a vigorous exercise schedule takes dedication and some say has all of the hallmarks of a viable solution for the practitioners of self-injury. a good exercise regime will bring on pain, believe me and like cutting it is not permanent but the kind of "scars" you can wear with pride.

it is very brave for you to come to the fish with what you understand as a problem. please take it further and seek some advice from professionals. you may also find a lot of support from the people around you. you have taken the first steps on the long road to recovery and i applaud you. or you can even accept it as a natural expression... we've all seen what some people do to themselves in the name of religion.

[HerBDerb]

Whoah man, heavy stuff.
Don't even know what to say.

[SpeedFiend]

yea neither do I

[karrot]

damn man.... you DO need help

[jshalvorsen]

Would it really be that bad that some of your friends or family worried a bit about you? It's heavy stuff for sure, but I think I would like someone thats really close to me to know about it if it were me.

[Crappysurfer]

i know how you feel, but every time i feel that blast of anger emerging i quickly put it away, but sometimes not quick enough, anyway, look past it, find something to fall back onto when you start feeling stressed, something that isnt hruting yourself (intentionally)

writing is also a great way to relieve emotion, sometimes i just lay down and relax, reading is fantastic
when it gets really bad i grab a skateboard and skate

[rumsurfer]

I live on my own, pay bills, work, skate all that and yet still I am stressed.

What exactly are you stressed about?

[Jam]

I know we aren't supposed to talk about religion, but I dunno, sometimes looking to a "higher being" helps me a lot. Also, staring really close at a skateboard helps and listening to Bob Marley.

Hope this will do something for ya.


Peace man.

Oh yes, also, if you ever relaly want some stoke/relaxing/fun/happiness come down and skate with the NYC crew.

[mc99david]

i was also suicidal through highschool and i found that running helped clear my head the best, id usualy do a good 10 to 14 miles a day and it kept me going for those years.. I still get a bit messed up in the head every now and then now and skating and snowboarding seems to fix that up, but when it was bad running realy was the best for me

good luck man, and definitly post up here anytime you need to get somethin out like this.

[Crappysurfer]

pat, drive over to my house and we can skate

[Astronomical]

My advice: Punching bag.

[HerBDerb]

Break stuff!! Go to a junkyard with a baseball bat!

[Skinart]

Been there. If you don't get help, be safe. Use sterile equipment and take care of the wounds.

However, if you want to stop, I found getting tattoos helps!

Wouldn't want to muck up my art.

[slickhare]

http://www.grouphug.us

anonymous online confessional (not religious though). stuff on there ranges from the goofy, to the downright disturbing... good for letting things out or seeing what other people said to make yourself feel less weird

[Mile_High_Mark]

This article has some very good information:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-injury

[TheFuzz]

You gotta focus on the world as a long road that goes up and down. A lot of people look at it as a road that you don't control. When I got to college I was more afraid than I have ever been in my life. I had no friends at first and I thought I was going to be alone forever. I was lost in a world that was completely foreign to me. Come Christmas nothing was much better. I was losing faith in my abilities to complete school. I was a terrible person to my parents and friends. I was deep in depression. At the time I had just recently been fired from my job because a bunch of bitch ass dykes moved into my kitchen and stole my job. (I now have a seething hatred for all lesbians, maybe not the hot ones so much though). But before I left I was promised a spot to display my work in a opening at the restaurant. I got there early and set up all my #### only to find that my 450$ pieces that I spent months and months perfecting were going to be right in the middle of people selling plastic jewelry and children clothes. Like stuff going for 3 bucks and sh1t. Anyways, no one even glanced at my work. So... Instead of being smart and just picking up my #### and dipping I handed (a good friend of mine at the time) the bartender 2 twenties and said, "SoCo Lime, keep em' comin". If you know anything about SoCo you know that this #### is the creepinest of creepin drunks. So 30 minutes go by and the bottle is half empty. Im thuroughly sauced at this point and I get a white russian to settle my stomach. I pack up my #### and jump in my car a 1991 BMW 318i. I get back to my house only to find the few friends that I do have all went to a show in a city about thirty minutes from where I am. I call them up and I never even asked directions. I just assumed that I would make it there. The guy I drive home sticks his head out the window and yacks all over the side of my car while simultaneously breaking one of the frames of my pieces in the back seat. I throw his as$ out of my car and continue on my quest toward nowhere. I get maybe a quarter of a mile from my house before I see red and blues flashing behind. The cop happens to be a campus cop. A campus cop will arrest you for wearing the wrong colors pants on St. Patties day. As I pull over I come to terms with the fact that tonight I will be in Jail. I fail all the field tests I am given. I spend nine and a half hours in jail waiting for these lazy as$ pigs to get to me. Not only that but I am sharing a cell made for one person with two 6'5 black males that seemed to have been in some sort of bloody brawl in the night. The only seats were taken, so I stood the whole time. My dad was the one who picked me up. This is not the first time this has happened. As the last times he gives me this speech about how next time I'm just gonna be ####ed and that's all. But this time I heard something in his voice that told me that next time he wouldn't be answering the call that starts out like "You have a collect call from the norfolk city jail". I got back to my house and for about a week I was falling to pieces, contemplating suicide, fearing everything ahead of me. It soon faded and gave way to deep self hatred and cursing my luck over and over again. I told myself daily, if only this, if only that. I didn't realize that the real puishment was coming. I sold the car I had and loved so much. I used every single penny of the money to pay for a lawyer. A lawyer who ended up making me get all the information he needed for the case. A lawyer who costed 1000 dollars. A lawyer who only helped by handing someone a piece of paper. 1000 dollars for a handshake and a nod. No happy ending either. In fines, court costs, drug programs and lawyer fees I ended up spending about 1,900 dollars in all. My car and the remainder of the money I had saved before college were gone. I lost my license for 6 months. I have a suspended one year long jail sentence hanging over my head if I get in ANY trouble from now until february 08'. I have to take a drug program for 2 months, and if you knew me then you would see that this was the worst punishment out of all of it. In the last 4 years there hasn't been a period of more than 3 days where I haven't smoked pot (save family trips and that sort of thing). I would have to turn my life on its head and accept my as$ raping. After this court case I thought this was it. I had dreams about dying. I begged for cars to run me down on the street. Then one day while searching for the answer to all my problems at the bottom of a beer bottle it was done. I came to the conclusion that I could either die right now or I would have to turn this around to prove to everyone that I deserve to live. Since that day I have stopped smoking weed. I pay more attention at school and I work harder at making good grades. I treat everyone in my family and out of it with respect. I try hard to stay out of troublesome situations. I needed this DUI. I needed to be punched in the face to give me that burn to fight back. You never know what you got until its gone. It's a cliche, Its corny, but that sh1t contains more truth and incite than any religion or lifestyle could ever compile.

Man I don't even know you. But I know that you have so much to live for. I know that your life is important to someone. I know that these problems that you are having with the state of you mind are small ones. I could sit here and spout things you could do try to fix it or people you could talk to, to help you, but in reality bro it has to come from you. You have to want it. You have to fix yourself. Your life is not nearly as bad as it seems and it could always be much much worse. Much love and respect for coming out and saying it though, your a braver person than me. I hope that you find the peace you are looking for and everything works out great. Don't let this world bear down on you bro, instead when you start to feel it doing that, give it a swift knee to the testicles and watch with a smile on your face as it recoils in pain.

[Birdman87]

Fuzz...
truly inspirational...
seriously, you just made big difference to at least one person

[shapeshifter]

wow! reading that post almost killed me.

[SpeedFiend]

I feel the love.
Now I gotta leave for work.