20 Things that never happen on Star Trek

[Mister Surly]

1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.


2. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.


3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.


4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later

turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a funny hat.


5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.


6.The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.


7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.


8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.


9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.


10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.


11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.


12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.


13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.


14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.


15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.


16. Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.


17. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.


18. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.


19. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.


20. Most things that are new or in some way unexpected.

[scabus maximus]

Number 21, perhaps?

Capn' Kirk gets his ass squarely handed back to him in a man vs. alien knock-down and spends the rest of the show in the sickbay.

[g-force]

probably because this show had a faithful following and they had to meet certain standards. That, and they also had to have this strange thing seldom found in televisioin - a PLOT.

[EBasil]

You risk death at the maiming hands of a certain Canadian version of Wesley Crusher....

[bean-a-reano]

BWAHAHAWH

<----- is waiting for the wraith fo the great white seal clubber.

[leadfoot]

That was great Mr Surly. Thanks for posting that.

[Skinart]

Ummm you have to take 2 and 6 off that list. They happened. Pilot episode, Riker goes
into the holodeck to meet Data. Nothing bad happens. Likewise in the scene on the boat
in one of the movies. Holodeck worked fine.

There was another episode where Picard used the Prime Directive to his advantage to deal
with a planet parisitically feeding off another planet by not mentioning the plague they are
selling medicine for is long gone--and that the medicine is addictive and what feels like the
plague returning is just withdrawal.

Picard used the Prime Directive to NOT fix the engines of the freighters used to transport
the stuff, thus ensuring a planetwide withdrawal and release from addiction.

And 14 happened if we allow DS-9. Likewise 13 happened with the use of Riker's new ship whose
name I can't remember.

[dragonfly67]

Number 21, perhaps?

Capn' Kirk gets his ass squarely handed back to him in a man vs. alien knock-down and spends the rest of the show in the sickbay...

...being tended to by an extremely beautiful nurse wearing not an awful lot and gazing admiringly at him. And making little sighs and "tsks" of disapproval when he tries to get back to the bridge.

I think the episode that made me laugh the hardest ever was the one with the aliens that were like flying pancakes that lodged onto the crew's backs, forcing them to collapse forward in awkward and amusing poses.

And the red shirts! Any chap with a red shirt beaming down to the planet was a write off. How many times did I shout at the telly, "NOOOO, don't go behind that rock mate!!".

[msk]

And the red shirts! Any chap with a red shirt beaming down to the planet was a write off. How many times did I shout at the telly, "NOOOO, don't go behind that rock mate!!".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVduvWTxQ5w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt1zwlqMXZ8

[Mister Surly]

You risk death at the maiming hands of a certain Canadian version of Wesley Crusher....

now THAT's funny!

[Guts]

blasphemy!!!!

[Directive0]

WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!?!"?:!!?!!":!?!":!?!"!/

seriously, major props to skinart for busting out the treknowledge. Well cited my friend, I am humbled. The holodeck has worked without incident in many episodes, they're just very boring. Beyond that, ya that list is pretty spot on.

[Skinart]

Actually, I believe 12 happened too. In the movie "Nemesis". The problem was a cast-out git who
wanted revenge--after they took care of him they left never to return and lie to people to keep
Paradise safe.

Hmmm.

Still stumped by the Troi thing though...

Pretty sure Wesley got in a scrap at the Academy...got kicked out as I recall...

Sorry Mr. Surly...

[scabus maximus]

22. Scotty doesn't feel like "givin' it all she's got, captain!".
23. Crew members tell Guynan to just shut the hell up and get 'em a beer.
24. Bones insists he's more than just a doctor.

[Skinart]

25. Spock admits that something is logical...but stupid.

[rumsurfer]

26. Due to union strikes, the Federation finally orders installment of toilets on the Enterprize.

27. Aliens from different planets finally learn to speak English in their native accent instead of the usual generic Americanised foreign accent.

[pirateswin]

28. The Enterprise is being chased by an alien ship and gets away because it's faster.

[pyrate]

i freaking love this blog by will wheaton where he deconstructs each star trek episode in the meanest funniest way possible!
he rags on every actor and character especially himmself/wesley, and talks about lots of hilarious stuff behind the scenes like the terrible instructions the directors and dialog coaches were giving.

http://www.tvsquad.com/bloggers/wil-wheaton/

and this is easily both the best episode he breaks down.. and the worst trek episode evar!!! (pic below)
http://www.tvsquad.com/2006/12/05/st...ation-justice/

[Guts]

I have this sudden urge to dress up as a Red Shirt for next Halloween.

[Skinart]

and this is easily both the best episode he breaks down.. and the worst trek episode evar!!! (pic below)
http://www.tvsquad.com/2006/12/05/st...ation-justice/

Nah ah! Worst ever is Skin of Evil! Well...according to canon anyway. I found many of the early
'Q' episodes to be very annoying.