any english literature buffs out there on the fish?

[K-SHIZZ]

[Fusarius]

Very nice. Very coherent ideas, sentence structure and wording are good as well. If you have some room to spare you might want to cover another theme in the book, mabey throw a big word or two in there and you'll be golden.

On a side note I really like Vonnegut, I wish that Slaughterhouse-Five was required high school reading when i was coming up(like four years ago).

[boarders mom]

When is this due and what are the assignment parameters? I'll proof it tonight if you haven't already turned it in.

[TheFuzz]

Tralfamadorian- I have not read the book and you need to explain who these people are breifly.

Essays are supposed to be in third person, stay consistent with your POV.

You use the word represent too much.

You should probably post the word document because I can't really get the feel of where paragraphs end and begin.

It's always smarter to introduce a quote rather than throw it out there haphazardly. While the first quote is along the lines of the essay it would probably be better suited after a strong introductory sentence.

Back to the strong introductory sentence, your essay doesn't really have one. This is one of the hardest parts of writing an essay, coming up with something universal to begin an essay with that is interesting and captivating to the reader. You should not use the Author or Book Title in the opening sentence.

In my opinion I feel like the essay is a little overweighted with quotes. Some of them could be paraphrased or shortened. Also make sure you get your citations in there. Or do they not make you do that in high school?

There are a few places where there are extraneous wordy sentences and also places where words are missing. The best way to remedy this is to read the essay backwards sentence by sentence. This gets you out of the flow your brain naturally puts in place and makes errors much more apparent.

I have only read one Vonnegut book so I am not very familiar with his work but you have a well structured thesis that is a little more apparent in the end than the beginning but its good the way it is. Good job.

[K-SHIZZ]

Very nice. Very coherent ideas, sentence structure and wording are good as well. If you have some room to spare you might want to cover another theme in the book, mabey throw a big word or two in there and you'll be golden.

On a side note I really like Vonnegut, I wish that Slaughterhouse-Five was required high school reading when i was coming up(like four years ago).

I had to focus on "so it goes" but i really wnated to explore some more themes of the book. its a really interesting story

When is this due and what are the assignment parameters? I'll proof it tonight if you haven't already turned it in.

yeah its a little late. due tomorrow. it would be better if i had my notes there on a flashdrive at my friends house. ive been haveing laptop issues at school

Tralfamadorian- I have not read the book and you need to explain who these people are breifly.

Essays are supposed to be in third person, stay consistent with your POV.

You use the word represent too much.

You should probably post the word document because I can't really get the feel of where paragraphs end and begin.

It's always smarter to introduce a quote rather than throw it out there haphazardly. While the first quote is along the lines of the essay it would probably be better suited after a strong introductory sentence.

Back to the strong introductory sentence, your essay doesn't really have one. This is one of the hardest parts of writing an essay, coming up with something universal to begin an essay with that is interesting and captivating to the reader. You should not use the Author or Book Title in the opening sentence.

In my opinion I feel like the essay is a little overweighted with quotes. Some of them could be paraphrased or shortened. Also make sure you get your citations in there. Or do they not make you do that in high school?

There are a few places where there are extraneous wordy sentences and also places where words are missing. The best way to remedy this is to read the essay backwards sentence by sentence. This gets you out of the flow your brain naturally puts in place and makes errors much more apparent.

I have only read one Vonnegut book so I am not very familiar with his work but you have a well structured thesis that is a little more apparent in the end than the beginning but its good the way it is. Good job.

yeah, theres plenty of issues i noticed but my english teacher is crazy about quotes. and as i said before my notes were unreachable due to computer issues so i couldn't get to my rough draft which in that was an amazing thesis. oh well. hopefully i'll be more organized next time.


thanks all for the helpful comments!

[tinypete]

I would post my essay, but I'm too lazy.
Maybe later, just for kicks.

[getitrightsteve]

Not bad.

The Fuzz pretty much said most things I was thinking.

I saw some gramatical errors such as comma placement. And should you not cite your quotes?

All in all not a bad essay though. I can tell you are able to form concrete ideas, but it would help if you went a little more in depth to support them.

[K-SHIZZ]

Not bad.

The Fuzz pretty much said most things I was thinking.

I saw some gramatical errors such as comma placement. And should you not cite your quotes?

All in all not a bad essay though. I can tell you are able to form concrete ideas, but it would help if you went a little more in depth to support them.

yeah thanks! i did in a hurry so I didnt take all the time i could have to clean it up but i guess it turned out alright.