I have noticed that there are a lot of individualized relationship problems on here, but everyone has to kind of hope for the best when it comes to advice.
Let's change that. If you are having any kinds of problems with the opposite sex (or the same sex, I don't discriminate) Blast it on here! People helping people is the name of this game. It's always easier to find a solution to a problem when you have a place to ask the right questions (does that even make any sense?)******
I will start: I have dated this girl on and off for the past year, and she has pulled away 3 times now because she has "fallen in love with me" and I told her I didn't feel the same. I wasn't being mean, I just honestly didn't know how I felt about her. I liked her, a lot, but I don't ever feel comfortable getting close to someone (tragic past, won't bore you with it here) Anyway I finally came to the conclusion this last month, that I am in love with her, but now she is too scared to make a decision on if she wants to get back together or not.
Not really looking for advice, but I figured I would start by sharing some of my minor drama.
Anyone else want to contribute?
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"Do it until it hurts, then go out and do it some more. Eventually the pain will stop."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Archy
"this guy is gonna knock me up then go out and kill a mastodon and bring its heart back to feed our babies."
Not the thread I thought I'd find today, but I can totally dig where you're coming from. I don't so much have any advice to give you but I do however have a bit of "misery" to share (only paraphrasing the "misery loves company" vibe).
In all reality I'm probably happier than I've ever been in my life. Only the drama never ends. I'm of course prepared for it due to my age. But therein is where my drama lies. My girlfriend is almost a decade and a half younger than me. So by looking to the left and seeing my age you can garner that she is much younger and less experienced. Not that this statement means she is immature, hell we as males tend to mature about a decade behind our female counterparts anyway, but she is from the country and I, a well traveled city boy.
Her drama, be it emotional, psychological or physical (I skate, surf when I can, and am constantly on the go; she is a college student that sits a lot) is always present. However, this is something I have learned to accept and love her regardless. I, like everyone else, have my own demons and issues. I have merely learned over the years how to deal with more than she. Acceptance is key. Just realize that we all have our idiosyncrasies that contribute to our relationships, be them positive or negative.
...Anyway I finally came to the conclusion this last month, that I am in love with her, but now she is too scared to make a decision on if she wants to get back together or not.
Ouch. Listen, if you're dating someone more than 1 month, and especially if you're making the two-backed beast with her, tell the girl you love her.
Maybe you don't know for sure. Maybe you can't see yourself married with kids and mortgage yet. but fer chrissakes, tell your woman you love her! It's not going to hurt I promise!
I've told UPS drivers I loved them when they delivered my skate parts two days early. C'mon, spread the love.
My biggest relationship issue seems to be fights when we drink too much. Some pretty bad ones, although for the most part she puts up with more sh*t from me than I put up with from her. And we always wake up in the same bed the next day so it's just a hot-temper thing when there's alcohol invloved.
Solution? We only have one or two, and then we go home. It seems to happen most when we're around groups of 5 or more. (i.e. my shady freakin' troublemaking friends).
My gf is 10 years younger than me too. Maybe that has something to do with it, although everyone says we appear to be madly in love. (Actually, we are). Er-eek, you seem to have a pretty good advice on smoothing things over. Accept her faults as she accepts yours.
Not the thread I thought I'd find today, but I can totally dig where you're coming from. I don't so much have any advice to give you but I do however have a bit of "misery" to share (only paraphrasing the "misery loves company" vibe).
One Love.
I left most of your post out, so it wouldn't take as much room, but I understand what your saying. I was mostly doing this so that people could let stuff off their chest. I actually have a pretty good grasp on how to attract and keep a woman, when it comes to giving other people help, I just don't seem to follow my own good advice, lol.
Do you have any common interests with her that can bring her out of the house, and still keep you guys active? it sounds like you like the outdoors a lot, whereas she is a full time college student going through the rigors of school. I don't know how long you guys have been together, but I do know that almost all problems can be solved by stepping back, looking at the whole situation, and then approaching it at a new angle.
oh, and in case people think I am one of those people that are addicted... I might be, but I usually sit on here all day at work, just waiting for something to post, because my job is boring! haha
__________________
"Do it until it hurts, then go out and do it some more. Eventually the pain will stop."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Archy
"this guy is gonna knock me up then go out and kill a mastodon and bring its heart back to feed our babies."
I've been up there a few times. Fairbanks even and any sort of women are kind of scarce on the ground!
True statement, Son! hahaha At least not the ones that you want a long term commitement with. The Tundra Wookies up here are only good after a few drinks in me... my goal at the bar? "to drink you pretty!"
__________________
"Do it until it hurts, then go out and do it some more. Eventually the pain will stop."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Archy
"this guy is gonna knock me up then go out and kill a mastodon and bring its heart back to feed our babies."
since this is the venting thread...i've got the time to type now, so here goes...
i'm 4 months out of a 3 plus year relationship. she did the breaking. we'd been unofficially planning our wedding, waiting for us to save up enough money to get engaged (rings are so expensive!!). i wish i knew what she really felt, or was thinking, but by the time i realized we were going down, she'd already checked out emotionally.
prior to our decline, i'd been going thru some tough times in school and work, because i was struggling with depression and wouldn't face it. my pride got in the way of me getting proper help, and my frustrations and stress all built up in me. unfortunately, people commonly take out their steam on the ones they are closest to, and that's what i did. i never, ever laid a hand on her, but i know i got mad over stupid little things and dragged arguments out far too long. i take responsibility for that, but still...
it's hard to not feel like the person who you value the most, love and care for the most, has abandoned you when they walk out of a situation where you just need someone to help you see that you need help in a loving way. she checked out emotionally, and then strayed emotionally with another guy and tried to cover it up. i uncovered the lies and was extremely upset--with good reason, as i confronted her about it face to face and she looked me in the eyes and denied it. then, when i presented her with the evidence, she blamed me for "smothering her" (by being depressed and needing help?) and for "emotional abuse" (not true). it's pretty tough to stand thru a cheating situation, but i wanted to...
now, she's been in a new relationship for 2 months...after she'd told me during the breakup that she "needed a break from guys for a while". she didn't even want to devote time apart to straightening out our individual problems and then trying to patch things up. i got broken up with because i needed to get my head straight. well, sweet dear...way to help me do that, by leaving me. i would take her back right now if she came back, but...i'm not going to crawl back to her asking for a second chance, as much as i'd like to spend the rest of my life with her. i feel incredibly deeply wronged and there's no way i'm lowering myself, denying and trivializing my pain just to get her back *sigh*
ps being "out of the game" for so long leaves you really really lost when you get back in...
pps #### movies. why the hell do people think life's like the movies? real life never, ever works out as well
Last edited by BUboarder; 04-28-2009 at 07:20 PM..
well at least you didnt get married to find out she's not the one for you....
that's the deal bro, i really believed (and still mostly do i guess) that she was/is the one for me. at this point, we can't see the future so who knows, we could get back together, or maybe not. only time will answer the question of "is she the one", or time might bring me to someone who makes me completely forget this girl...and i am not a patient man. i hate time, and i hate waiting
not only that, but once i'm married there is NO WAY IN HELL i am going to get divorced on a whim. marriage is about being a team and working thru ####. it's a lifetime commitment for a reason, and divorce, in my opinion, is not a "get out of jail free" card like so many people today think it is
not trying to be a dick,but buboarder you need to go get some new trim immediately.
i have been in a 3 yr ,4 yr,5 yr ,many in between and now going on 10.
go out get get your mojo working.
snap yourself out of the depression,been there also.
go get yourself 2 hot chicks and get your confidence back.
I'm not big on commitment, so I usually feel "meh" towards any relationship after a month or two.
Guess I just haven't found anyone special enough or I just don't have a soul, not sure which.
My most recent break-up: 5 days ago we broke up after 2 months of dating. Didn't feel sad for any of it, just bored since I had one less person to hang out with.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jemwielder
A good buddy of mine once told me this: Almost dying is usually pretty cool, so long as you don't go that extra mile.
I'm not big on commitment, so I usually feel "meh" towards any relationship after a month or two.
Guess I just haven't found anyone special enough or I just don't have a soul, not sure which.
My most recent break-up: 5 days ago we broke up after 2 months of dating. Didn't feel sad for any of it, just bored since I had one less person to hang out with.
Yeah, that's not called a serious relationship, that's called long term sex. lol. I have done that many times!
BUboarder, I definitely understand where you're coming from, only difference is the woman that cheated on my after 4 years of being together was my ex wife (the 4 years is in the beginning and middle of our over all 7 year commitment to each other) As hard as it was for me to face the facts, some things can't be forgotten. As far as the depression goes, I experienced that for the first time this month, and it SUCKS! Luckily I snapped the heck out of it, and that just shows that you can, too. Force yourself to be around people that will help you forget about what's making you depressed, and the less you wallow in the feeling, the less it will affect your life. I promise that.
Why do relationships always feel like I'm | ?
__________________
"Do it until it hurts, then go out and do it some more. Eventually the pain will stop."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Archy
"this guy is gonna knock me up then go out and kill a mastodon and bring its heart back to feed our babies."
Relationship problems... ANYTHING GOES!
Re: Relationship problems... ANYTHING GOES!
and any sort of women are kind of scarce on the ground!
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