Evolutions: Wells' Take

**Wells** · 10-17-2009 10:51 PM

Evolutions Liveblog

Pre-game: Mind Eraser.

Original: goddamn this took a long time to fast forward through.

Gravity: f**k yeah these guys rule. So sick.

Landyachtz: bringing the filming steez, hella good skating. I approve. That bus is fly.

Motorboard company: SWEET! This, like the Original video, took a long time to fast forward through.

Bustin: good skaters, cool guys, mediocre skateboards. Fast forward.

Crazy Australian short film: I watched this on mute and it was awesome. Fake moustaches are so key.

Cheapsk8r or whatever: oh my god so shitty. If I wanted to watch 14 year olds with no style do boring skatepark tricks, I’d go to my local skatepark. Fast forward.

Coast: funky as hell. Canada keeps it real. Probably the best part in the video.

Durango Boards: this took way way way too long to fast-forward through.

Hamboards: They still make these things? Cute family. Boring skating. Fast forward.

Honey skateboards: Loaded Lite. Boring. These skaters looked slow when I was fast-forwarding the video. Over it.

Loaded: Adam brings the filmer steez to match the loaded flatground dance style.

Motion Boardshop: Fun as hell to watch, looks like you had fun making it. I’m hyped.

Munkae Trucks: that was pretty cool.

Ollie pop: both the video and audio were enjoyed while fast-forwarding. None of the kids looked like they were chewing gum while actually skating, though. I guess it's more skate-related than watches.

Whatever this claymation thing is: WTF? Why does this yellow blob with eyebrows and a dancing chode skate? What’s with the weird pink ###### with gumby legs? Why are these scary red blobs with enormous penises threatening Ms. ######? Is this going to be a claymation gangbang? Awesome longboard build, brohan. Flashback to pulsating pink claymation ######. Flash forward to Yellowchode McEyebrowz riding his Logan Earth Ski with magnesium yellow trackers over the red blobs’ threatening ding-a-lings and earning the enduring love of pink clay ######-legs. What in the f**k did I just watch? I really wasn’t expecting anything this avant-garde in Evolutions. ROAROCKIT: Best for dancing, sliding, and destroying the genitalia of disapproving street skaters.

SILVERFISH SECTION; Whoo, hands down slides! These 2 dudes who are scissor-bombing on Dervishes have balls and trust. MONTAGE! Katanas! Watchtower! Pat S! Self-helmet-cam! Pandas! Dancing! More Watchtower! More Dancing! Fat chicks! Daniel M! Monkeys peeing in their own mouths: cutting commentary or simple editing trick? I like that the “live long skate fast” graphic is immediately followed by five pictures of dudes without helmets. WTF is with the picture gallery? This blows, even on fast forward. NEXT.

Fat Old Dude Contest: This stuff is sick. I approve of little girls riding big ‘crete. 5-0 fakie is a ballsy move without pads. Skating almost-naked is a joke that never gets old. The real pros are shredding hard at the end here, doing tricks I can’t name in a concrete bowl that's hard to skate. Note to self: learn vert tricks.

TACTITS: this is going to be xtreme, I just know it. Starts with a full minute of helmet-mounted Gopro footage of a slalom run. I like where this is going. This slal-cam is taking a long time to fast-forward. Whoo! Fat dudes pumping! People pay good money to see this in San Francisco. More gopro road-cam of downhill without turns. Pole-mounted vanity cam. Awesome. Whatever.

BONUS: Orangatang and Rayne: wtf? Y’all have the sickest videos in longboarding. Send the originals to brooke so I can watch them in full DVD quality.